On my spiritual journey, I have found many wonderful experiences but as well hard lessons from which my lack of understanding and learning from them, hinder my spirituality to the point to wonder, its this the end of it? Why I cannot go further? Why I cannot do this or that? Why I cannot be like others?
I have always heard, “Love yourself so you can love others”, “Let go of the past” “forgive yourself first, then others”, “Be patience, don’t push it”, “Alike attracts, so do good for good to come to you” etc. however the hardest one, was learning to deal with anger. In learning to let go of anger I have discover how to open more doors into my spirituality. What I will write here is my own experience thru anger, how I learned to deal with it, and understood that if I did not let go of it, I would not go any further on my spiritual journey.
Here is an example of how my sense of justice became an injustice towards me, and how I let it almost destroyed my soul with anger:
Comparing myself to others, sometimes I get justice or the thought of what justice should be like and ran into a conquest to make things right. However, I learn in the hard way that what could be the sense of justice for me, is not likely justice for others. Obviously, in an imperfect world it is hard to be perfect and even harder to make others see perfection thru my eyes. Sometime ago, I did the most unprofessional, and unethical at my work; I gave a traffic ticket to another cop from another town. In my sense of duty and honor, I thought this was the right thing; however, my chief not only forced me to see his way but also treated me in a despiteful way by it. The anger this situation caused me, last me one month and half, and alone with it, the anger hinder my spiritual path. Why? Because when we are angry, we fill ourselves with negativity and as they said alike attracts, therefore everything that comes in your way is negative. What room spirituality has in a negative mind full of thoughts of anger? The answer is NONE.
I could not sleep well, during those days. I could not meditate and when I tried, the thoughts of anger constantly were in my mind like a cry for justice inside of me that was consuming my mind and soul alone with it. I was reviving the event repeatedly and said things that I would like to said then in different ways. I made myself sick physically with a sore throat and spirituality by closing the door on spirits, when I let the event and the people on it, be my priority instead of learning from it. Perhaps thinking, that reviving the event will be my way to get over it and let go, but it was not that easy. At one point, I heard clearly, the voice of one of my spirit guides on my right ear, telling me “Let go! Let go! Universe will take care of it if you let go”. I ignored the message and the messenger then, thinking it was my inner voice but later on, I realized that in a moment of desperation and anger I could not say something like that to myself.
I was told by one of my friends, to think of the people that caused me anger and surrounded them with light and talk to them on my meditation and tell them how do they made me feel and forgive them but despite I tried few times, it was not the solution then. What good it makes to forgive others when I constantly revived the emotions of anger the situation caused me repeatedly?
I let the hours; days; weeks pass thru, and although I tried the task to fill my schedule with other activities in order to forget the event and prevent myself to revive the words spoken of that awful day. This task to forgive and forget became impossible. In my negative mind, doubt came alone not only question my sense of duty and honor but question my spirituality as well. The solution and message was right on my face but anger blind me so good, I could not see it or rationalize with it. It came to my mind, that when we die its obvious we do not take memories with us. We take the emotions that certain memories caused us in our paths alone with the emotions we caused to others, as a task of what we came to learn in this lifetime. Some people learn, others goes thru life learning nothing and ended up coming back to this lifetime over and over. After I realized this, I started a different approach on my situation. I started to think on all the emotions this event caused me. I examined them one by one and as I did so, I forgive the emotion and myself for feeling that way. I let go of it as I learn the lesson of each one of them and as I put myself in the shoes of the person that cause me those emotions.
As I proceed in this task, my body was feeling lighter and I saw things more clear. My sense of awareness was more open. I started to dream again, my sleep pattern went back to normal, my sore throat stopped and my understanding of learning from the emotion of anger was more in tune. Thanks to the learning, I was able to move on to a higher level of spirituality where there is no limit but the limit I put myself if I do not learn from my emotions. I must tell you that for the past 3 days, my spirit guide place in my mind to write about this for everyone on OBC, perhaps if you are going thru anger this story might help you, who knows?. This time, I learned…..this time I followed my spirit guide in teach others through my experience. So be it…